en las sombras largas yo ñangoto

en las sombras largas yo ñangoto

-por Kameron Cole, Miami Beach, July 2012

 

en las sombras largas
yo ñangoto* como un gran murciélago, y un vencido.

en el sombra de una diorama grande de la una familia contento en el sol
yo, creatura sombría, los veo,
con las alas temblorosas y escamosas,
yo tiemblo. yo lloro a lágrima viva.

me descubre una chica joven e inocente
me dijo, “no disturbar a la familia, murciélago.
no se le permite, porque tienes llagas.”

ñangotado,lento, viejo –
ese soy yo.
en ombras, con llagas.

——————————- English translation, by kameron cole ——————————————–

in the long shadows
I squat* like a large bat, and a loser.

in the shadow of a large diorama of a family happy in the sun
I, dark creature,  look,
with trembling wings, and scaly,
I tremble. I cry my eyes out.

I was discovered by a young and innocent girl
she said, “do not  disturb the family, bat.
It is not allowed, because you have sores. ”

squatting, slow, old –
that’s me.
in shadows, with sores.

——————-

” ñangotarse also means “to lose heart”

my life as a ghost

a spirit.  I don’t live anywhere.  don’t unpack boxes. don’t leave friends. I just appear for those who need love and understanding for awhile.  but these days, people don’t need love and understanding for any substantial period of time. certainly don’t need to be haunted by a ghost on a daily basis.

I thought that knowledge and talent would make people like me.  apparently these things just slid right through me, because I’m empty – or, non-substantial, as the metaphor demands.
always looking in the window.  the hearth. hand holding. bric-a-brac: the consummate joy of non-plasma people.

if it were funny, I’d be laughing.  if it were clever, more people would be ghosts.  but they all have lives. they value things.  but I can’t pick up things.  I value love only. that transient thing.  does it just seem transient to me?  am I paying attention to the wrong thing?  it’s that deep blue thing, on the left, isn’t it?  it’s not the blob of antique white in the center, surely? does it mutate, blend in? or do people just not want to hold onto it?  just so personal, intimate.  chafes the individuality.

the only disadvantage is that ghosts can’t die.  they are remanded to the enclosures of the earth, in their ghostly bodies, until such time as they let go of the ones they loved, who couldn’t come along with them.

please leave the window open sometimes. and your heart open sometimes.

adam and eve

anni di franco: adam and eve

Tonight you stooped to my level,
your mangy little whore:
now you’re trying to find your underwear,
then your socks, and then the door.
And your trying to find a reason
why you have to leave.
But I know its cause you think you’re Adam
you think I’m Eve.
You rhapsodize about beauty
my eyes glaze
everything I love is ugly
I mean really, you would be amazed.
Just do me a favor,
it’s the least that you can do.
Just don’t treat me like I am
something that’s happened to you.
Cause I am,
I am truly sorry about all this.
You put a tiny pin prick
in my big red balloon,
and as I slowly start to exhale,
that’s when you leave the room.
And I did not design this game.
I did not name the stakes,
I just happen to like apples
and am not afraid of snakes.
But I am,
I am truly sorry about this.
And I envy you,
your ignorance.
I hear that its bliss.
So I let go the ratio
of things said to things heard,
as I leave you to your garden,
and the beauty you preferred.
And I wonder what of this will have meaning
for you when you’ve left it all behind.
I think I’ll even wonder if you meant it at the time.

we beat cancer!

this was you

I thought once, that I would bury you. weep at your grave.

now, it is I who must be buried. but you didn’t stay for that part.

but we did beat it together!  we did it, side by side, and there was magic and there was love – and it was those things, and not the witch doctors, who brought you back to life.

it was a door I thought to open for you. among other doors. in the back of my mind, I knew that once you saw the open doors, you might just walk out. that was something I knew.

so, today, on the day I died, I hung pictures of you everywhere! I played your Anthems, again and again. they began as songs, then changed to messages. but at my funeral, they will be just anthems. no one actually knows the words, or any of the people who died, for which the anthem now alone stands.

betrayal

dialogo

“and who betrayed thee, Lord?”

“’twas the one I loved most.”

“how so can love betray?”

“the perfect betrayal can come only of the perfect love. for so is the destruction beyond mere human level. it is a psychic disturbance beyond.”

“ergo it is committed with a kiss. the tenderest acts portends the most horrible.”

“so it is.”

szerelem, szerelem

szerelem szerelem

<PLAY>

szerelem szerelem
átkozott gyötrelem
mért nem virágoztál
minden fa tetejen

minden fa tetején
diófa levelén
hogy szakisztott volna
minden leány s legény

mer én is szakisztottam
s el is szalasztottam
én is szakisztottam
s el is szalasztottam

ejde még szakisztanék
ha jóra találnék
ha jóra ha szépre
régi szeretőmre

s a régi szeretőmér
mit nem cselekednék
tengerből a vizet
kanállal lemerném

s a tenger fenekéről
apró gyöngyöt szednék
s a régi szeretőmnek
gyöngykoszorút kötnék

———————-
love, love

love, love
bloody agony
why do you not blossom
on the top
of every tree?

On the top of every tree,
on the leaf of a walnut tree,
so every maiden and young man
would pluck it?

Because I, too, dared pluck it,
and I, too, let it slip away
I too plucked it
and I let it slip away.

O, I would pluck one again
if I found a good one,
if I found a good one, a beautiful one,
my old lover.

And for my old lover
what wouldn’t I do?
I would skim all the water
from the sea with a spoon.

from the bottom of the sea
I would gather tiny pearls
and for my old lover
I would braid a garland of pearls.

bin wieder einsam

bin wieder einsam

-kameron cole, miami beach 2012

bin wieder einsam
ein, ein, ein
war tief drin
gemeinsam, mein.

reiches Kuchen
Backen
Wunden
vom Innenleben,
starrt mich an,
ein Extrovertierten,
rundlich kurvierten,
blinzelndes Mädchen
wie blinzelnder Stern
wurd’ ausgelöscht
in meinem Himmel.

——————————————————-

alone again.
lone, lone, lone.
was deep in it
Together. Mine.

rich cake.
cheeks.
wounds.
from inner life
an extrovert
stares at me,

curving round,
winking girl
like a winking star
was extinguished
in my sky

sand dollar

bomb shell turtle

-kameron cole, miami beach 2012

there she lay.
it was her there, on the sand.
cupped by the warm sand, her brown skin slaked its thirst
on the gold sun and the wind exfoliated her limbs,
and something like scales fell from her eyes.
and she rose.
and was baptized*.

the soft sand again cupped her soft breasts,
and the sea turtles were confused,
and the lonely-hearted.

a brown bomb shell –
but a shell –
the intricate ignition inside had been tampered with, and, perhaps,
the explosives had already been detonated.
the heart. the soul. the love-light. all inflammable.

—————–
* Acts of the Apostles 9, 18 http://bible.cc/acts/9-18.htm

sheep, seen differently

Sheep, seen differently.
by Robert Musil
translated from the German by Kameron Cole

Concerning the history of the sheep: Today humans find the sheep dumb. But God loved it. He repeatedly compared humans to sheep. Is it possible for God to be completely wrong?

Concerning the psychology of the sheep: the visage of higher consciousness is not dissimilar to that of stupidity.

In the heaths of Rome: They had the long faces and dainty skulls of martyrs. Their black socks and hoods, against their white fleece were reminiscent of grim reapers and religious fanatics.

Their lips, when they searched the short, sparse grass, quivered nervously and dusted the earth with the tone of a vibrating metal string. If they joined their voices in chorus, it would sound like the plaintive prayer of the prelates in cathedral. If however they sang in multitudes, they would form men’s, women’s and children’s choirs. In soft undulations, their voices rose and sank – like a caravan in the dark, it was, that the light struck every other second, and then you could see the voices of the children standing on an ever-returning hill, while the men traversed the valley. A thousand times faster rolled the night and the day through their voices, and drove the earth towards its end. Sometimes a single voice would hurl itself upward, or plunge from on high, into the trepidation of damnation. In the white ringlets of their hair they would recapitulate the clouds in the heavens. These are age-old Catholic animals, religious escorts of humankind.

Once more, in the South: Amongst them, the human is twice as large as otherwise and looms like a church spire against the sky. Under our feet the earth was brown, and the grass scratched in with graygreen strokes. The sun gleamed heavily on the sea, as on a mirror of lead. Boats were at their fish-catching, as in the time of St. Peter. The headlands swung our vision to heaven like a gang-plank, and were flung, wheat-yellow and barley-white, as in the time of the lost Odysseus, into the sea*.

Everywhere: Sheep are timid and stupid when around Man: they have come to know the blows and stone throws of arrogance. But when he stands still, peacefully, and stares into the distance, they forget him. Then, they put their heads together and form, ten or fifteen of them, an aura, with the large, weighted middle-point comprised of their heads, and the multicolored radiating beams their backs. Their skullcaps press fast against one another. So they stand. And the wheel which they form, does not stir, for hours. They seem not to feel anything, save the wind, the sun, and between their foreheads, the stroke of the second hand of eternity, which pulses in their blood, and is shared, from one head to the next, like the tapping of prisoners on prison walls.

* Odyssey BkIV:1-58 (http://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/Greek/Odyssey4.htm)